Poop is always funny

One of life’s maxims is that poop is always worth a laugh. My 8-year-old stepdaughter wrote this to me on a card: “Remember Buddy, poop is always funny.”

Consider Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character in Along Came Polly: “I just sharted.” Evidence of the claim. Funny at 8. Funny at 58.

We have a dog that regularly eats socks. His name is Scout and somehow he has avoided any kind of gastro-surgery in 12 years of eating socks. It took us about 10 years to figure out that he should be locked up in his crate whenever he is in the laundry room where he sleeps. Because if he’s not, he’ll steal socks out of the dirty laundry and eats them. Kids’ socks especially but sometimes adult socks. If he can’t get to the socks, he’ll eat dryer lint out of the trash. And somehow he keeps on ticking.

You’ll see him out in the yard duck-walking around like a two-year-old with bad diaper chafe and then—horror!—something slowly emerges that looks like a child’s socked foot birthing from the nether region. More grunting and the whole ankle, the shin! Scout duck-walks and a leg starts to emerge. More duck-walking. And the birth has passed.

A poop-sock is born.

Don’t worry it will be upland season soon.

2 thoughts on “Poop is always funny

  1. An old friend, from our North Dakota days, told of his Lab having problems getting something out, so he screwed up his courage to help him with it. By the time he was done, he had a five-foot length of rope that his dog had eaten and, of course, pooped out. Makes my Lab’s predilection for eating grass seem pretty innocuous.

  2. MICHAEL GIBSON

    I had a female black lab named Willa years ago. She used to steal whole loaves of bread off the kitchen counter, bag and all. So one day, I was mowing the lawn and straddled a dog turd with the mower. I’ll be damned, that turd expanded into a whole bread bag!

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